Mara Hazen - Enough

Can I be honest with you? It’s been hard lately. Wait, scratch that, it’s been hard for a while. We’re quickly approaching the one-year mark since the Covid-19 pandemic hit the U.S. Just a few days ago, on February 21st, the New York Times reported that 500,000 Americans had died from Covid-19. Half a million in just one year. And hundreds of thousands of families and friends impacted by these deaths. Not to mention that this death toll and the effects of this pandemic have disproportionally impacted BIPOC (Black, Indigenous, and people of color) communities and impoverished communities.  

This is the backdrop of our service year, and it impacts the service of every one of my VISTAs. It weighs on my mind heavily each day. As a VISTA Leader, I am a bit removed from the service that our VISTA cohort is doing. Don’t get me wrong, I read about all the amazing services and projects they complete in their reports and in our check-ins, but I don’t necessarily see the impact in these communities, especially since I’m serving virtually this year. And from what I hear, this is always a struggle for VISTAs. To help programs become more robust, efficient, and effective so that we can serve more of our communities is totally different from helping someone right in front of you.  

With all these thoughts swirling in my mind, I laid down in bed the other night and couldn’t shake the thought, Did I do enough today? Was I productive enough? Did I help anyone today? Because some days, when I’m on my computer all day at a hand-me-down dining table that’s operating as my desk, I feel like haven’t done enough. I haven’t helped that many people that day. 

But then I saw a video* and I had an epiphany. Every breath you take is enough. Every day you live is enough. If we measure our days by productivity, we will always be setting ourselves up for failure, because we live in a society which tells us the more you produce, the better you are. There is no limit on how much you can produce and how productive you can be, so you can never reach a goal and be satisfied. There is always more to do. And yes, there is nuance and a balance here, because there are lots of tasks that need to get done during our service. But at the end of the day, don’t look at the tasks remaining on your to-do list and feel that you didn’t do enough. Look at those you have completed, look at those moments you have lived and tasks you have accomplished and feel proud. Feel that you are enough.  

This was a huge mindset change for me in the past month. A service year is extremely challenging and it’s easy to feel as though you haven’t done enough. I’ve started reflecting each day and asking myself, Did I help one of my VISTAs today? Did I connect earnestly with someone today? Did I spend time with others and with others in mind today? With this as my perspective, every day is successful to me because these are things I do on a daily basis. This year has not been easy, but each day we live, each day we connect with others can be enough sometimes. 
 
*Yes, the video was a TikTok, I knew y’all were going to call me out about that. ​