Mara Hazen - There’s Nothing to Fear but Fear Itself (and a whole bunch of other things sometimes)

As I begin my service as a VISTA Leader for Michigan Nonprofit Association’s Pathways to Employment program, I can’t help but reflect on my time serving as an AmeriCorps Member with City Year Kansas City (CYKC). I stumbled into the position somewhat on accident, but it turned out to be a great opportunity. In my senior year at Kalamazoo College, I begrudgingly went to a career fair that the school was hosting, and I happened to take refuge at the City Year table where I first learned what national service was. And I say ‘begrudgingly’ and ‘refuge’ because I find career fairs to be extremely overwhelming and as I was nearing the completion of my BA in English and Latin, I still had no idea what I wanted to do with my life. I, unfortunately, fall into the trope of fearing big changes in my life. But through my time serving with City Year Kansas City, I learned that fear of change is natural, but what’s more important is your perspective of that fear. 

Going into my service year, all I really knew was that I was going to be working with students and I could defer my student loans for a year, which left me with a whole bunch of questions. How could I really be a resource for this new community I was just moving to? Would I be able to connect with my students, as I was coming from a very different background? Would my students ever really trust me and talk to me? After making the big move from Kalamazoo to Kansas City, I found myself both nervous and excited to start my service year. I learned that I would be placed at East High School and working in a 9th grade English class. My students truly taught me that it’s not about the first impression, but the lasting impression.  

In those first few weeks of school, most students in the classroom (ahh the good ol’ pre-COVID-19 times) were either ambivalent to my existence, as I was not the teacher, or hostile to the fact that I was like an annoying gnat, always asking if I could help them with anything. But soon, after a month or two of constantly redirecting them away from their phones and back to the work sheet with many offers to help, the answers turned from, “nah, I’m good” to “yeah, what’s this mean?” or “is this a good answer?” By January, one of my favorite students started to show me his insatiable curiosity, instead of the apathy he projected to his other teachers, and he would ask me endless questions.  

This is not to brag, or say that building my relationships with my students was a walk in the park, but to show that service is about consistency. Every morning, I greeted my students getting off the bus with a smile, I made sure to say hi every time I saw them in the hallways, and I continually offered specific praise and opportunities to study. I made myself a constant in my students’ lives at school, and this consistency built the initial platform of trust between us. This trust was of utmost importance, for it helped to build the opportunities and spaces where my students could share something about themselves and I in turn would share something about myself. Over time, our libraries of knowledge of each other grew, and we were no longer strangers.

This is all to say that even though I am a white, cis-gendered, queer woman from a middle-class family in Michigan and my students’ backgrounds often looked nothing like mine, that doesn’t mean we can’t connect and form a meaningful student-mentor relationship. Even though my students’ and I have wildly different backgrounds, we were able to bridge the gap because we each put in time and effort to build trust and consistency. Is it important to recognize and name our differences and our differing backgrounds? Absolutely. Will these differences prevent you from actually serving the community you’re working in? Not necessarily. For me, it’s about the desire to have genuine human connection and to truly listen to those you are serving, and a large part of it is owning up to the fact that you will likely make mistakes, and committing to listen and try to do better each day. I believe that serving in a community, whether you’ve lived there your whole life or just moved there, is about being intentionally consistent and proving yourself to be a constant presence and resource to those whom you serve.
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Reflecting on my time as tutor and mentor in my first service year with CYKC, I can’t help but juxtapose how scared I was to start my service year with how confident I was at the end of my service year. I learned that fear of change or nervousness about the future isn’t bad, as long as it prompts you to think critically about yourself and what impact you want to have in our world. I am and always will be grateful for my service year with CYKC, and am beyond excited to start my second service year as a VISTA Leader with MNA! 

East High School City Year Kansas City team at Arrowhead Stadium in Kansas City.
Back row, left to right: Caroline, Breia, Ángel, Rachel, Mara, Andrew, Patrick
​Front row, left to right: Karina, Mac
*Note: I do not have photos of students because you're not supposed to and because I am notoriously bad at documenting my life
**Also note: we were the East High Bears, hence all of our cute bear poses

(Back to front) Mara, Ángel, and Andrew leaving the library at East High School during the 2019-2020 service year.